December 2018 - Rachel What If

How Perspective leads to Alignment

What if everything isn’t as bad as I sometimes think it is, or is going to be? I just finished up reconciling our business accounts in Quickbooks. I dread it every month, so much so that I put it off for as long as possible. When I finally sit down to to do it, it’s usually not that bad. I’ve been doing the books for our businesses for over 15 years, so you would think I wouldn’t worry so much about it. Today, I threw on some music and went to work. Seth Godin says, “The best way to complain is to make it better.” So true.

I’m reading This is Marketing by Seth Godin. I love inspirational writers and had no idea this would be such a fantastic read. Marketing, he explains is about creating change. Finding the problems and solving them. I tell my students regularly that they must be problem solvers in order to be successful in life. We work on complex problems even I do not know how to solve. I’m a little apprehensive sometimes that I won’t know where to go with them, but the engagement and self confidence they show when they have a solution or a strategy that works sends chills down my spine more than anything else.

“Marketing is the generous act of helping others become who they seek to become.” I actually highlighted this sentence, along with several others in Godin’s book. I haven’t highlighted anything other than scriptures and articles I had to read for college courses. This book is going to be a life changing read for me. Turns out I must be a marketer. I sell every day to the students in my classroom. Godin talks about seeing what others see in order to solve problems, create change, stop complaining, and make things better.

Seeing what others see is the challenge. We all see what we choose to see. I’m not sure how I can make things better for others yet. I know I need to be more consistent about making things better for me first. It may seem selfish to say, but I can’t help anyone if I don’t have the time, resources, energy, or talent needed to give. When your glass is full, it should inevitably overflow to those around you.

I’m starting to understand this might be more about living in alignment. I have gotten to know and have compassion for myself over the last year. If I feel anxious, disillusioned, or depressed, it could be that my actions do not agree with my beliefs. There may be a problem I don’t know the answer to, I don’t have a strategy for, or am making bigger than it needs to be. In the new year, I hope to make several adjustments based on the essential things that will uncover my ability to contribute to others in ways that will be meaningful to them, and in-turn to me. Is this marketing? Is it connection? Mostly it is just better. I want to make things better.

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Your Strength is Your Gift

What if I have no gifts to bring? I am a terrible gift giver. The worst. I hate shopping for others because I don’t know what they need. I also hate giving stuff that will just sit around their house and clutter their lives. Does anyone really need more stuff?

I am currently reading Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism and seeing myself in it’s pages. Throughout my life, I have been more of an observer than a doer. Just admitting that gives me a twinge of disappointment. I know I cannot be successful or fulfilled in life by being passive. Still, there is tremendous value in watching and learning from others through their actions, choices, and beliefs. Often, I am accused of being emotionally unavailable because I choose not to engage in conversations, or don’t feel the need to participate in discussions. I usually feel I have nothing of value to bring to the table, or there isn’t anything valuable on the table already.

I love to listen to podcasts and read books. I truly feel I am engaging in conversations every time I find a great book or listen to a wonderful interview. McKeown’s book validates my philosophy that not everything matters. In fact, very little matters. McKeown writes about “learning to discern what is absolutely essential, and eliminating everything else, in order to make the highest possible contribution toward the things that really matter.” It is so comforting to know that what I can sometimes view as a weakness in myself, can be a great strength. Having a strength means having something to give.

Over the last couple of years, I have learned what anxiety is and what it feels like to have panic attacks. I was first in denial about these episodes, and thought I was somehow being dramatic, or overly emotional about my circumstances. I was overthinking my life, and therefore panicking about it. Now I realize that anxiety, depression, and panic are physical responses to emotional problems. In a way, yes I was overthinking my life, but in a good way. It forced me to recognize how important it is to listen and respond to your physical responses to stress, overwhelm, and fear. These have been “wake up” signals from my body. The signal was saying “Your actions are not aligned with your beliefs.”

Essentialism asks the question, “What does this mean, and why does this matter?” One thing that attracted me to the teaching profession was the potential to matter. I need my work, my time, and my effort to matter. Education may be one of the only things that truly matters to me, aside from love, connection, and freedom. I know what I do each day with my students matters to them. I am, however, a little disoriented in the meaning my position has for me and my family at this critical time in our lives. My son will be finishing his junior year of high school, and my daughter will be beginning high school. How have I served them? Am I a resource for them? Do they know their worth and potential? What have they learned from me? What will I continue to teach them in the years to come, while they are beginning their independent lives?

I want to make a meaningful contribution with the time I have, especially to those that matter most in my life. Anyone who knows me knows I am busy. With two businesses to run, a full time teaching position, two teenagers, a home, and several other aspects of the American dream to maintain, I have officially placed myself exactly where most of us believe is “The way to fulfillment.” Filling my life with busy is not meaningful, nor is it making a contribution in the way that I would like. I will continue to be a powerful observer, see what is not being seen, and listen to what isn’t being heard. I will be disciplined in my pursuit of participation in ways that are authentic and healthy in order to give what is only mine to give.

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Return on Investment for the Self Employed

What if I valued myself as an employee of my business? It is time for us to hire someone to help my husband in the field of our construction business. Hiring an employee is a very big decision, but also can be a great investment. One of the best things about owning your own business, is that it’s all up to you. One of the worst things about owning a small business, is that it’s all up to you. It’s so exciting to know that your business is a reflection of your work ethic, and that if you put in the work, you will be rewarded. On the other hand, if your business fails, your only letting yourself down. When you take on an employee, there are more risks, and more people to disappoint.

Obviously, an employee won’t be as invested as you are as the owner, but you hope they will have the work ethic and integrity that you expect. But, why should they? What is their return on the investment? A paycheck? Is that all? In my own journey, this has never been enough. A regular paycheck is not the reason I have ever put in the effort that I do. I have worked as a waitress, bartender, preschool teacher, dental assistant, and now a fourth grade teacher. I believe I have been a very good employee in each of these positions, but I have ended up leaving, or wanting to leave each one. I think it is because I reached a point where my return on investment had reached it’s limit.

Each of these positions required my ability to learn new things, show a level of commitment and responsibility, and apply myself to the service of the customer. I am clearly most suited to the service industry. Our plumbing and construction businesses are services to the community. I love the service industry. People often forget that teaching is a service, which is a big mistake, and one I can talk about on another post. Still, the investment must at least match the return for any venture to be successful. When thinking about hiring an employee, I know we must value the investment the employee makes and offer opportunities for them to build their return. The effort and integrity that they apply, could come back to them in the form of higher pay, more responsibility, or at best, partnership or ownership in the company.

These thoughts have been plaguing my mind as I think about my position within the school district. It is difficult to think about how limited I am and how little the return has been on my investment. Of course, any teacher will tell you they do not go to work for the money. I am truly invested in the lives of my students, but I may not ever see the return on that investment. It is frustrating and unrealistic to expect teachers to do their jobs well, and expect very little in return. Perhaps my heart is not in the right place. There are undoubtedly many teachers who feel completely fulfilled in the service and contribution they put in each and every day.

I’ve been thinking of updating my resume. It seems like a professional thing to do even if I wasn’t thinking of leaving my job. I wonder the power it would have in my own life to see all the accomplishments and strengths listed on a couple of pieces of paper. It will surely remind me of the value my teaching career has brought, and bolster my opinion of what I am capable of doing moving forward. I wonder if I would even hire myself to fill the holes in my contracting business. I am the owner after all. Would I offer myself the opportunity to move up in the business? Earn a respectable pay and promise of future financial rewards? If I was offered a position in a promising construction business, with opportunities for returns that would match my investments, would I leave my teaching position? It would be a very big risk, but I wonder if that is what I need. It is definitely what my business needs. Work ethic and integrity are not enough.

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Running with ideas…

landscape photography of snow pathway between trees during winter — Photo by Simon Matzinger on Pexels.com

What if the purpose of running for me is to get ideas, rather than to get healthy? I love (sometimes hate) to run. I have run several (several hundred) races, and have run at least two to three days each week for the last twenty years. Running was my go to for feeling fit, until I discovered Crossfit over two years ago. Now, running is more my mental go to. My very best ideas and clearest thinking come while running outside. I started this blog after a run just a few weeks ago.

Sometimes, like running, I actually thought I hated writing. I have always loved reading, but organizing thoughts into coherent sentences has never been my favorite. Although, I have always felt healthier when keeping a gratitude journal, jotting down thoughts after listening to an inspiring podcast, or while reading a great nonfiction. I love to narrow things down to biggest takeaways, or aha moments.

I went to a training for teachers a couple of years ago called Thinking Strategies, where I truly learned how similar reading and writing are. It’s truly a conversation between author and reader. This takes the pressure and judgement out of writing for me. If I think of writing as just talking, even if to no one, it really makes it easier. It also feels a bit like housekeeping for my soul. I can clear out the dirt in my mind and make room for the beautiful things.

I just finished reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and I’m still feeling the endorphins from her wonderful writing style and life changing ideas. She talks about writing and ideas as inner decorations called “intracranial decorations.” I love the thought of beautifying the inside of my mind. I want to take a walk around my soul and love what I see. In the same way, some of us choose running as a way to beautify our outer appearances. I hope my writing will enhance my insides. I definitely focus a little too much on my “outsides.”

It turns out running and writing are very natural partners for me. I think a lot while I run, and also seem to be very open to ideas. Running has become such a necessary part of my life, and I believe writing is next. It is something I constantly think about. I’m still not sure what to write about that could be interesting to others, but I guess its OK to do it just for me, for now. I have a goal to write 500 words every day, and so far am writing about 500 per week. I remember when I first started running. A mile or two every other day was all I could handle. I know I can continue to build upon what I have started. Ideas are everywhere. I look for inspiration in books, music, podcasts, on snowy mountain mornings, and while running.